Interpersonal Skills help how to deal with people. We will cover empathy, active listening, communication styles (including the influence of culture and gender), dealing with difficult people, and assertiveness. Not only will this prove useful in your work with your faculty partner, but also in your professional and personal life.
The first key to working well with people is developing empathy. This means the ability to put yourself in the other person's shoes, to see things from his or her point of view. In particular, you need to understand your faculty partner very well. As a student, you only see part of your instructors' lives, primarily what goes on in the classroom. There is much that goes on behind the scenes. Understanding this will help you to develop a project with greater sensitivity to your faculty partner's needs. Read the case studies below to get an idea of what a weekly schedule looks like for a faculty member. There is a lot of variation, depending on what kind of research, if any, the faculty member is doing. However, the one thing all instructors have in common is limitation on available time. That means that any technological solution must not be too time-consuming.
Moreover, in the ET Partners program, the usual teacher-student roles are reversed. Be sensitive to the fact that your faculty partner is an instructor, by definition the disseminator of knowledge. Your partner may not be used to talking to a student who knows more than he or she does on a particular subject. Showing respect and empathy for your partner will help him or her to adjust to this new role.
ACTIVE LISTENING:
Active listening is a skill that you can use in your faculty interviews as well as personal life. Active listening is a particular way of engaging in a conversation in which attention is focused primarily on one person, with the listener fully engaged in absorbing and responding to what the speaker is saying. Journalists, counselors, business people, teachers, and parents all find this skill useful.
There are several components to active listening. In an environment such as the United States, eye contact is crucial to conveying that you are interested in what the speaker is saying. If you were raised in a culture where direct eye contact is not the norm, you may find it a little uncomfortable, but it is the best way to convey a positive message to your faculty partner. If you have a direct, friendly, and relaxed expression on your face, it conveys a message that you are listening attentively.
Rather than sitting silently while your partner is speaking, an active listener makes a variety of responses. The listener may encourage the speaker to continue or elaborate on what he or she is saying. This can be as simple as nodding one's head, saying "Mm hm," or asking specific questions designed to encourage the speaker to go into more depth on the topic. The important thing to remember is that such responses should not be done in a mechanical or absent-minded way, otherwise it may seem as if you are not listening.
Restating what you hear is another way to respond. This demonstrates that you have internalized what the speaker is saying and understand it. Don't just repeat what you heard, but put it into your own words. You can check comprehension by saying something like, "If I understand you correctly, what you are saying is..." or "So, in other words, ..." You may find, to your surprise, that you haven't understood correctly, and this gives the speaker a chance to clarify any points necessary. This is especially important in cases where your partner is new to the technology you plan to use. Your partner may not be familiar enough with the technical terms or concepts to express him- or herself clearly. This doesn't mean the faculty member is not intelligent, just that computer technology falls outside his or her field. Restating and checking for comprehension can save you time by making sure that you are not using the same words to describe different things.
In some circumstances, it is appropriate to reflect the feelings, as well as factual content, that you are hearing from the speaker. This is especially true in personal situations. Reflecting feelings is an expression of empathy. You might say something like, "It sounds as if you feel quite pressured right now," for example. Making explicit your understanding of the other person's feelings not only allows you to make sure you are interpreting correctly, it also sends a message that you are empathizing with the speaker.
After you have moved through specifics with your partner, you might want to summarize what you have heard. You can restate the main point, or put the details into the larger picture. This is an excellent technique to use toward the end of an interview, and can be followed by suggested concrete actions. The following example shows how a summary statement can lead to a concrete solution:
It sounds as if the main thing you need to do is get the material organized and on the web for students to read outside of class. We might design a home page with links to each topic, then have all the images and readings accessible from the topic pages. The first step is to collect all the material and sort it out. Could you gather all the hard copy and put it in folders by topic, and do the same with computer files, putting the files for each topic on a different disk? Then I'll scan the photos and show you how to put everything on the server. From there, we can see what additional materials we need, and begin to develop the web pages.
There are several things you should avoid when practicing active listening. Of course, you don't want to interrupt the speaker or change the subject. Mechanical responses should be avoided, as they send a message opposite to the one you intend. Redirecting the conversation by asking questions that lead in a different direction from what the speaker is saying is another conversational tactic that works against active listening. Sometimes you may need that tactic, but it is not part of active listening.
Active listening not only promotes good relationships, but also enhances your ability to understand and remember what you hear. You will find many opportunities in your life to put active listening into practice.
COMMUNICATION STYLES:
It is natural for people to communicate well with people who have the same communication styles as they do. You can also learn to improve your communication with people who use styles different from yours, however, and this can enhance your effectiveness in many different situations. The first step is recognizing the basic parameters of communication style. The book, Personal Styles and Effective Performance by David Merrily and Roger Reid, proposes one useful model for understanding how people communicate.
The model includes four basic types: the driver, the analytic, the amiable, and the expressive. Most people have some elements of several types, with one more prominent than the others. People tend get along well with others of their own type and one or two compatible types, whereas some combinations clash. Being able to identify the types allows you to use appropriate methods to minimize clash.
The concept behind the categories is that people differ on two scales: whether they emphasize tasks or people more, and whether they usually ask questions or make statements. Where you fall along those two axes determines your communication style, as the diagram below illustrates. People who tend to focus on tasks and on telling thus are Drivers, while task-oriented people who focus on asking are analyticals. No type is necessarily better than another, they are just different.
Now that you have the basic framework for understanding communication styles, read the basic descriptions and ways to communicate with each type on this page, which is geared toward one-to-one presentations. Then read this page, which was written for professional counselors, paying attention to the chart showing how to recognize the different types. Finally, take this interactive quiz on the four types of communication styles to see how well you would be able to recognize them.
As we indicated above, culture also plays an important role in communication. The same behavior can send different messages in different cultural contexts. In our global society, we often come into contact with people of different cultural backgrounds, and it is entirely possible that you and your faculty partner may have different backgrounds. The first thing to realize is that your assumptions about how to communicate with others may not be universal. Downcast eyes, for instance, might signal something very different to your faculty partner than they do to you. To maximize communication, look for signals that your message is not being received as you intend, and the converse.
Moreover, you should be aware of the preconceived ideas about other cultures that you may be bringing to the interaction. Quite often, assumptions that are taken as statements of obvious truth are actually based on incorrect, incomplete, or over-generalized information. Being aware of your assumptions can help you notice whether you are viewing someone as a person with individual characteristics or as a generalized representative of a group. Read the article on Understanding the communication styles of an ethnically diverse work force, from High Technology Careers Magazine to see examples of cross-cultural communication, and miscommunication, in action. (Note: That page has disappeared from the web since the publication of the binder materials.)
Gender can also play a role in shaping the ways in which we interact with each other. This is made more complicated when combined with cross-cultural communication, because various cultures have different ideas about the proper ways for men and women to behave.
Once you have sensitized yourself to the implications of cultural differences, you can begin to appreciate the rich variety that our multi-cultural world offers us.
DEALING WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE:
So far we have talked about how to identify types of people from a positive perspective in order to enhance communication. What about dealing with people whose personal styles create problems? In this part of the module, we will look at types of difficult people, and identify some strategies for responding to them effectively.
First, read this description of the main types of difficult people and how to deal with them. Then think about people you have encountered in your life. Have you ever met a bulldozer? A clam? How about a balloon, or other type? What kinds of interaction did you have with them? How might you have handled the situation differently if you had read the article first? Finally, consider your own behavior. No one is perfect all the time. When you are at your worst, which type are you most likely to resemble? Think about ways that you can respond constructively to difficult people when you encounter them, and ways you can avoid becoming a difficult person yourself.
Faculty members are human, just like anyone else. Some are very easy to get along with, while others may have more challenging personality traits. Your communication with your faculty partner, not to mention with friends, colleagues, and family members, is sure to go more smoothly when you are aware of ways to handle difficult people.
ASSERTIVENESS:
Because you are a student and your partners will be faculty members, it is possible that a special dynamic with relationship to power may come into play. Instructors are accustomed to being in a position of power in relation to students. Either they are the authorities teaching students in class, or they are the bosses directing student assistants in whatever work needs to be done. Student assistants are in a clearly subordinate position relative to their faculty supervisors. They should do whatever the faculty member tells them to do. Your position as partner is somewhat different, however. You and your faculty partner will work as a team, trying to achieve a common goal: the improvement of teaching through technology. You and your faculty partner have different, and complementary, strengths but an essentially equal position in the partnership. This may mean that you have to be assertive at times.
First, consider the boundaries of the kind of work you will do in your role as student partner. It is not up to you to do all the production work for the faculty member. Your primary role is teaching and facilitating, so when you work with your partner on production work, teach as you work together on the project. You are not expected to do "grunt work." Some parts of any project are tedious, but you are not expected to do only mindless, menial tasks. This may be hard for your partner to understand, because ordinary student assistants are, indeed, expected to do whatever their faculty supervisors want them to do, even mundane clerical duties. Your job here is to serve as a bridge, not a drudge, using your greater knowledge of technology to empower your faculty partner in his or her own teaching and research. Remember that your teaching mission is primary.
It is also possible that the scope of your project may increase as time goes on. To a certain extent, this is normal, but in some cases you may find that so many additional tasks and components are added that you don't have enough time to do them all. Your studies do come first, and we only expect you to work a certain number of hours on your ET Partners projects. That means, you should not agree to take on extra tasks if they extend beyond your allotted time.
Finally, your faculty partner may have an unrealistic idea of what can be done with technology, or how much time will be required to implement solutions. Your faculty partner's participation in this project means that he or she is still learning the technology, so sometimes you may need to gently remind him or her of the realistic constraints on your joint project. Avoid the temptation to promise more than is realistic, otherwise your partner may justifiably become angry when you are unable to deliver.
Thus, you should be prepared to refuse certain kinds of requests. A gentle and tactful, yet firm, approach is usually the most effective tactic. This is what is meant by assertiveness. Assertiveness can be contrasted with two less effective tactics: being passive and being aggressive. Sometimes people confuse being aggressive with being assertive. The essential difference is that being assertive is an attitude that demonstrates both self-respect and respect for others, while being aggressive demonstrates little respect for others. Passivity, on the other hand, demonstrates little respect for yourself. Look at the chart on this page about communication styles, contrasting the three types of behavior (you can skip the assertiveness quiz and go right to the comparison chart). Think about your own behavior. Do you ever do anything that expresses passivity? Aggression? Are there ways you can change your behavior to send a more positive message?
The first key to working well with people is developing empathy. This means the ability to put yourself in the other person's shoes, to see things from his or her point of view. In particular, you need to understand your faculty partner very well. As a student, you only see part of your instructors' lives, primarily what goes on in the classroom. There is much that goes on behind the scenes. Understanding this will help you to develop a project with greater sensitivity to your faculty partner's needs. Read the case studies below to get an idea of what a weekly schedule looks like for a faculty member. There is a lot of variation, depending on what kind of research, if any, the faculty member is doing. However, the one thing all instructors have in common is limitation on available time. That means that any technological solution must not be too time-consuming.
Moreover, in the ET Partners program, the usual teacher-student roles are reversed. Be sensitive to the fact that your faculty partner is an instructor, by definition the disseminator of knowledge. Your partner may not be used to talking to a student who knows more than he or she does on a particular subject. Showing respect and empathy for your partner will help him or her to adjust to this new role.
ACTIVE LISTENING:
Active listening is a skill that you can use in your faculty interviews as well as personal life. Active listening is a particular way of engaging in a conversation in which attention is focused primarily on one person, with the listener fully engaged in absorbing and responding to what the speaker is saying. Journalists, counselors, business people, teachers, and parents all find this skill useful.
There are several components to active listening. In an environment such as the United States, eye contact is crucial to conveying that you are interested in what the speaker is saying. If you were raised in a culture where direct eye contact is not the norm, you may find it a little uncomfortable, but it is the best way to convey a positive message to your faculty partner. If you have a direct, friendly, and relaxed expression on your face, it conveys a message that you are listening attentively.
Rather than sitting silently while your partner is speaking, an active listener makes a variety of responses. The listener may encourage the speaker to continue or elaborate on what he or she is saying. This can be as simple as nodding one's head, saying "Mm hm," or asking specific questions designed to encourage the speaker to go into more depth on the topic. The important thing to remember is that such responses should not be done in a mechanical or absent-minded way, otherwise it may seem as if you are not listening.
Restating what you hear is another way to respond. This demonstrates that you have internalized what the speaker is saying and understand it. Don't just repeat what you heard, but put it into your own words. You can check comprehension by saying something like, "If I understand you correctly, what you are saying is..." or "So, in other words, ..." You may find, to your surprise, that you haven't understood correctly, and this gives the speaker a chance to clarify any points necessary. This is especially important in cases where your partner is new to the technology you plan to use. Your partner may not be familiar enough with the technical terms or concepts to express him- or herself clearly. This doesn't mean the faculty member is not intelligent, just that computer technology falls outside his or her field. Restating and checking for comprehension can save you time by making sure that you are not using the same words to describe different things.
In some circumstances, it is appropriate to reflect the feelings, as well as factual content, that you are hearing from the speaker. This is especially true in personal situations. Reflecting feelings is an expression of empathy. You might say something like, "It sounds as if you feel quite pressured right now," for example. Making explicit your understanding of the other person's feelings not only allows you to make sure you are interpreting correctly, it also sends a message that you are empathizing with the speaker.
After you have moved through specifics with your partner, you might want to summarize what you have heard. You can restate the main point, or put the details into the larger picture. This is an excellent technique to use toward the end of an interview, and can be followed by suggested concrete actions. The following example shows how a summary statement can lead to a concrete solution:
It sounds as if the main thing you need to do is get the material organized and on the web for students to read outside of class. We might design a home page with links to each topic, then have all the images and readings accessible from the topic pages. The first step is to collect all the material and sort it out. Could you gather all the hard copy and put it in folders by topic, and do the same with computer files, putting the files for each topic on a different disk? Then I'll scan the photos and show you how to put everything on the server. From there, we can see what additional materials we need, and begin to develop the web pages.
There are several things you should avoid when practicing active listening. Of course, you don't want to interrupt the speaker or change the subject. Mechanical responses should be avoided, as they send a message opposite to the one you intend. Redirecting the conversation by asking questions that lead in a different direction from what the speaker is saying is another conversational tactic that works against active listening. Sometimes you may need that tactic, but it is not part of active listening.
Active listening not only promotes good relationships, but also enhances your ability to understand and remember what you hear. You will find many opportunities in your life to put active listening into practice.
COMMUNICATION STYLES:
It is natural for people to communicate well with people who have the same communication styles as they do. You can also learn to improve your communication with people who use styles different from yours, however, and this can enhance your effectiveness in many different situations. The first step is recognizing the basic parameters of communication style. The book, Personal Styles and Effective Performance by David Merrily and Roger Reid, proposes one useful model for understanding how people communicate.
The model includes four basic types: the driver, the analytic, the amiable, and the expressive. Most people have some elements of several types, with one more prominent than the others. People tend get along well with others of their own type and one or two compatible types, whereas some combinations clash. Being able to identify the types allows you to use appropriate methods to minimize clash.
The concept behind the categories is that people differ on two scales: whether they emphasize tasks or people more, and whether they usually ask questions or make statements. Where you fall along those two axes determines your communication style, as the diagram below illustrates. People who tend to focus on tasks and on telling thus are Drivers, while task-oriented people who focus on asking are analyticals. No type is necessarily better than another, they are just different.
Now that you have the basic framework for understanding communication styles, read the basic descriptions and ways to communicate with each type on this page, which is geared toward one-to-one presentations. Then read this page, which was written for professional counselors, paying attention to the chart showing how to recognize the different types. Finally, take this interactive quiz on the four types of communication styles to see how well you would be able to recognize them.
As we indicated above, culture also plays an important role in communication. The same behavior can send different messages in different cultural contexts. In our global society, we often come into contact with people of different cultural backgrounds, and it is entirely possible that you and your faculty partner may have different backgrounds. The first thing to realize is that your assumptions about how to communicate with others may not be universal. Downcast eyes, for instance, might signal something very different to your faculty partner than they do to you. To maximize communication, look for signals that your message is not being received as you intend, and the converse.
Moreover, you should be aware of the preconceived ideas about other cultures that you may be bringing to the interaction. Quite often, assumptions that are taken as statements of obvious truth are actually based on incorrect, incomplete, or over-generalized information. Being aware of your assumptions can help you notice whether you are viewing someone as a person with individual characteristics or as a generalized representative of a group. Read the article on Understanding the communication styles of an ethnically diverse work force, from High Technology Careers Magazine to see examples of cross-cultural communication, and miscommunication, in action. (Note: That page has disappeared from the web since the publication of the binder materials.)
Gender can also play a role in shaping the ways in which we interact with each other. This is made more complicated when combined with cross-cultural communication, because various cultures have different ideas about the proper ways for men and women to behave.
Once you have sensitized yourself to the implications of cultural differences, you can begin to appreciate the rich variety that our multi-cultural world offers us.
DEALING WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE:
So far we have talked about how to identify types of people from a positive perspective in order to enhance communication. What about dealing with people whose personal styles create problems? In this part of the module, we will look at types of difficult people, and identify some strategies for responding to them effectively.
First, read this description of the main types of difficult people and how to deal with them. Then think about people you have encountered in your life. Have you ever met a bulldozer? A clam? How about a balloon, or other type? What kinds of interaction did you have with them? How might you have handled the situation differently if you had read the article first? Finally, consider your own behavior. No one is perfect all the time. When you are at your worst, which type are you most likely to resemble? Think about ways that you can respond constructively to difficult people when you encounter them, and ways you can avoid becoming a difficult person yourself.
Faculty members are human, just like anyone else. Some are very easy to get along with, while others may have more challenging personality traits. Your communication with your faculty partner, not to mention with friends, colleagues, and family members, is sure to go more smoothly when you are aware of ways to handle difficult people.
ASSERTIVENESS:
Because you are a student and your partners will be faculty members, it is possible that a special dynamic with relationship to power may come into play. Instructors are accustomed to being in a position of power in relation to students. Either they are the authorities teaching students in class, or they are the bosses directing student assistants in whatever work needs to be done. Student assistants are in a clearly subordinate position relative to their faculty supervisors. They should do whatever the faculty member tells them to do. Your position as partner is somewhat different, however. You and your faculty partner will work as a team, trying to achieve a common goal: the improvement of teaching through technology. You and your faculty partner have different, and complementary, strengths but an essentially equal position in the partnership. This may mean that you have to be assertive at times.
First, consider the boundaries of the kind of work you will do in your role as student partner. It is not up to you to do all the production work for the faculty member. Your primary role is teaching and facilitating, so when you work with your partner on production work, teach as you work together on the project. You are not expected to do "grunt work." Some parts of any project are tedious, but you are not expected to do only mindless, menial tasks. This may be hard for your partner to understand, because ordinary student assistants are, indeed, expected to do whatever their faculty supervisors want them to do, even mundane clerical duties. Your job here is to serve as a bridge, not a drudge, using your greater knowledge of technology to empower your faculty partner in his or her own teaching and research. Remember that your teaching mission is primary.
It is also possible that the scope of your project may increase as time goes on. To a certain extent, this is normal, but in some cases you may find that so many additional tasks and components are added that you don't have enough time to do them all. Your studies do come first, and we only expect you to work a certain number of hours on your ET Partners projects. That means, you should not agree to take on extra tasks if they extend beyond your allotted time.
Finally, your faculty partner may have an unrealistic idea of what can be done with technology, or how much time will be required to implement solutions. Your faculty partner's participation in this project means that he or she is still learning the technology, so sometimes you may need to gently remind him or her of the realistic constraints on your joint project. Avoid the temptation to promise more than is realistic, otherwise your partner may justifiably become angry when you are unable to deliver.
Thus, you should be prepared to refuse certain kinds of requests. A gentle and tactful, yet firm, approach is usually the most effective tactic. This is what is meant by assertiveness. Assertiveness can be contrasted with two less effective tactics: being passive and being aggressive. Sometimes people confuse being aggressive with being assertive. The essential difference is that being assertive is an attitude that demonstrates both self-respect and respect for others, while being aggressive demonstrates little respect for others. Passivity, on the other hand, demonstrates little respect for yourself. Look at the chart on this page about communication styles, contrasting the three types of behavior (you can skip the assertiveness quiz and go right to the comparison chart). Think about your own behavior. Do you ever do anything that expresses passivity? Aggression? Are there ways you can change your behavior to send a more positive message?
Some people are afraid to be assertive because they feel that refusing a request will result in rejection by others. They may not want to seem confrontational. Moreover, being asked to do things might make them feel important, even when the tasks are excessive. People might feel that if they say "no" to a supervisor, they won't advance their careers.
We would like to add that this is often true of students, who may be particularly afraid of speaking up to instructors. Of course you should always be respectful and polite, but in this program, the two of you are partners. This is your chance to interact on a different level with our faculty.
Here are some guidelines for REFUSING A REQUEST GENTLY, yet effectively, drawn from Your Perfect Right. Review your priorities. Consider how your faculty partner's request fits with the overall project and the program. Does it fall outside of the scope of your work?
Determine who is best to do the job. Is this a task that should be referred to Mediaworks experts or some other campus division? Is it something more suitable for a student assistant than a student partner? Work out your strategy and act right away, once you have determined to refuse the request. Delaying only makes it harder to refuse.
Offer your faculty partner alternatives for getting the job done. This may mean referring the task to others or doing the task differently. Rather than saying that the job can't be done, this way you are merely suggesting other avenues for accomplishing the task.
Offer partial, rather than full, support of the task. If the scope of the task does fit your role as student partner but the task is too large for you to do alone, consider whether you might shift some duties to others. Perhaps you can contribute your technical knowledge while a regular student assistant does the repetitive clerical aspects of the job.
Keep in mind that, as long as you do it in a friendly way, refusing a request doesn't have to result in rejection. Moreover, accepting an unreasonable request doesn't necessarily make you popular. You don't need to be defensive about refusing an unrealistic request. If you do so early enough, there is no need to be angry about it, either. Be reasonable and friendly, yet firm when appropriate. These tactics will serve you well in all areas of life.Finally, we would like to stress that if you encounter any problem or you are unsure about the requests your faculty partner is making, speak to the program manager as soon as possible. The ET Partners program has a support system built in for you. You don't need to handle difficult situations alone.
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